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• SusanS

  

  • 6 posts
  April 3, 2012 7:17:06 AM WATime

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  Five weeks, 6 days 0 hours ago I located a lump in my right breast ... in a spot that I'd had a few *niggles* over the previous few months.
  As I could never feel anything I just put it down to the curse of hormones. Besides .. I'd had a breast screen only 5 months earlier - and that was clear.And really, this is only just the size of a plump pea.
  Off to the doctor - yes she could feel it & recommended a mammogram & ultrasound.
  "It's probably nothing, but let's just be sure"
  6 days later .. having decided to not wait, we're off to have the tests.Mammogram - check. Ultrasound ... hmmm this needs further investigaton. "I'm confident it's nothing, but let's just be sure" .. "You're GP didn't request a core biopsy? Ok ... well it really is probably nothing.. but let's just be sure". I went back to work.
  10 days later... core biopsy. A little bit ouchie, but no huge dramas. "Test results will take about 48hrs, but hey, we've just had a public holiday so more than likely Monday.Go home,.. relax. It's probably nothing" I went back to work.
  The following late afternoon .. 5.24pm to be exact, getting ready to leave work (I'm always there - I love my job!) .. GP reception calls .. "DR would like to see you straight away" .... quick phone call to hubby to meet me there. "Don't stress ... it's probably nothing & he's just wanting to give us the good news!"
  6.03pm ... "I'm so sorry Susan, we thought it was nothing.. but all 4 core samples show postitive" ... Core samples?? What? I'm a gold mine?? Positive for what??
  Cancer ... BAM!! Oh God .. nope .. nope .. it's all good .. say again? Don't you be messing with me here coz the Wallabies play better rugby than the Springboks!!
  He wasn't joking .. and we weren't laughing.
  We were numb & a feeling of the surreal began. We left the office in a daze with the promise of a phone call the following morning to discuss next steps. "Take your time .. there's no need to make a decision right now."

  We held each other & cried in the car park.

  5 days later .. appointment with a breast surgeon at Royal Perth Hospital. Ok .. all good .. we'll just find out when he's going to remove this thing & I'll be back at work the next day .. well maybe the day after that! But no - he's not happy as the lump seems bigger than the ultrasound suggests. He wants MRI scans before deciding how to proceed. More tests? Yes .. and if it's as big as he seems to think .. there won't be any surgery until after a course of chemo to shrink the tumor. WHAT?? That wasn't in the plan!! Can I time the chemo so I can go after work on a Friday & then be ok to be back at work on Monday? Errrr ... possibly not. Let's just get the MRI booked.
  7 days later ... MRI scan. Seriously? I have to pop the girls into those stubbie holders & lie still while you inject some dye in my vein?? Ok - you're serious. But can we move this along coz I really would like to get back to work.
  7 days later ... back to see McYummy (my pet name for my surgeon) & the MRI confirms our fears. The tumour is as big as he suspected 4.5cm x 5cm & our next step is chemo. CRAP! But also a CT scan & bone scans & receptor results from the original biopsy... BUGGER!! Then the Oncologist... but wait for it - coz this could take another couple of weeks. WHAT!! SERIOUSLY?? NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T PLAY THIS WAITING GAME FOR ANOTHER 2 WEEKS!!!!
  Fortunately the amazing care staff at Royal Perth were able to perform the incredible, & an appointment was booked for the folloing day for the tests & then the Oncologist appointment for the following Monday.
  That was yesterday .. and the feeling of surreal continues.
  I have Invasive Ductal Carcinoma - Stage IIB - IIIA.
  The test results show a spread to the first lymph nodes.
  So next week 12/4/2012 I begin TAC - 3 hours of poison pumped into my body.
  The plan is to have 3 sessions - 1 every 3 weeks & then a review to determine if the treatment is shrinking the tumour. Further treatment will be decided then.

  So here I am ...Waiting ... just waiting. Not sleeping. Not wanting to eat.
  And all the while, the lump gets bigger. Yes.. it's growing. I swear I can hear it. I can certainly feel it. From the time of discovery to where I sit now .. that plump pea has now invited the whole garden to go forth & multiply in half my breast.
  My poor 51yr old post 3 breastfed baby breast is swollen & heavy & itchy & bloody uncomfortable. It's looking quite luscious again if I do say so myself - the other one is looking like the abnormal one. But I know better.
  I hate this ... I hate the waiting. I hate the bloody inconvenience.
  I don't feel sick. I don't look sick .. unless you count the dark circles & bags under the eyes. But that's just from lack of sleep! I'M NOT SICK !!! But they're planning to give me poison that will make me sick so I can get better? There's something not quite right with that.
  But anyway.. we move forward & we become closer, my hubby & I. We'll do this - absolutely 100% no doubt.

  Is it time for work yet??

  51YO married. DX: MARCH 2012,45mm HER2+ grade 3 IDC. Completed 1x TAC & 3x AC 18/6/2012. Upper RB Quadrantectomy 20/7/2012. Full axillary clearance (2/7 nodes) 10/8/2012. RB mastectomy 7/9/2012. Completed 10x Paclitaxel plus Herceptin 12/12/2012. 25x Rads finished 12/2/13. Herceptin finished 8/10/13  Prophylactic LB mastectomy shecduled for 18/11/13  

• louise1952

  

  • 8 posts
  April 3, 2012 4:54:50 PM WATime

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  Welcome Susan1101
  We all know what you are going through and our thoughts are with you. You WILL get through this. Big Hugs
  Louise1952

  DXJUN11, LOBC grade2 2 tumours 16 of 20 lymph infect. LB mastec, chemo FEC & Taxotere, 25 Radiation t'ments

• Ness

  

  • 81 posts
  April 3, 2012 5:03:31 PM WATime

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  Thanks so much for sharing your heart felt story with us Susan! I swear I was with you through every moment as I read your post. I can totally relate to your feelings but at the same time I know you will be going through your own challenges with this all!
  You sound like such a resiliant, focussed and determined lady! I am sure this will give you the strength and guts to get through this!
  Our breast care nurse, Glenys, will understand the more technical descriptions of your bc diagnosis so please check in with her by leaving messages or setting up time to live chat when it suits you both!
  We also have a live chat every Wednesday evening at 7pm Perth time - just jump online and go to the chat room and you will see how it all works - the chatrooms are at the bottom left of the screen! Go into CLICK CHAT!
  That way you can continue to share with the other members and have a weekly outlet for all your worries, concerns and to share your triumphs and good news too!
  We are there with you in spirit even if we are on the other end of a computer monitor!
  The other place to go is Breast Cancer Care WA. They have free practical, emotional and financial support for West Australians affected by breast cancer. Make sure you get in contact with them and make use of their free services.
  Probably a lot to take in right now - take it steady - lots of people to help you through this and don't be shy to ask!
  Keep that chin up and use the website Blogs to keep expressing those feelings!!!
  All the best and chat soon!
  Ness
  x

  The Click Project Coordinator
  

  Daughter-in-law and niece of breast cancer "thrivers"!

• Glenys

  

  • 162 posts
  April 3, 2012 8:54:41 PM WATime

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  Hi Susan. I'm so sorry to hear the news just kept getting worse for you - it does then feel like a 'hammering'!! When it starts like that it's such a bumpy road! Each bump seems to become a bigger and bigger 'boulder', but the road should start to even out now as treatments get underway.
  
  The regular treatments for breast cancer usually involve 4 treatments - surgery, chemotherapy, radiation therapy, and possibly hormone therapy (if hormone positive cancer). Not everyone has all these treatments, and the order in which they are given may vary. The plan to have chemotherapy first is becoming a more familiar trend with slightly larger tumours. Previously we would have proceeded with mastectomy and then chemo later, but research is now supporting that chemo first for tumours >4cm is possibly a better approach. This does not mean that the situation is poor, and the chemo often does an excellent job of shrinking the tumour and improving the overall outlook. We certainly have plenty of reasons to be optimistic, as we see this happen very often now with 'good response' to chemo.
  
  Quite a few members on the site are having chemo - and others have finished (some long ago!). We would be very happy to share stories, answer any queries, help out where we can, and just 'be there' along the way for you.
  
  I work at RPH as well (the BCN who saw you there did let me know about you - so I'm delighted you've joined the site!). I do understand the 'McYummy' tag - he is a bit of 'eye-candy'!! And an excellent surgeon too! I've worked with him for many years now.
  
  Have you decided how you'll deal with the hair-loss aspect? Has this all been explained to you? Please ask if any queries at all about anything.
  Cheers, Glenys xx

  The Click Breast Care Nurse 

• SusanS

  

  • 6 posts
  April 4, 2012 8:27:11 AM WATime

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  Thankyou all for the welcome .. it was lovely to get up this morning after another sleepless night & find the support.

  As far as the hair loss aspect goes Glenys .. and I must say my hair would be my biggest vanity) .. I orignally had another appointment booked with my *lady* for Friday next week for the usual 6 weekly pampering. But obviously there was a sharp left turn in the meantime that changed my direction.

  Once I finally knew that chemo was definitely going to be my first stage of treatment I had decided to have all my shoulder length curls cut quite short so the hair loss wouldn't be as traumatic. Having said that - it would still be traumatic for me.

  Now that I know the treatment starts Thursday next week, my lovely *lady* has kindly rescheduled my appointment to the Wednesday.

  So the day before chemo starts I will still have my pampering session & a new do for the next day. Not exactly the hot date I had in mind .....

  As far as the actual hair loss aspect goes - it was explained that it will occur around week 3 .. that's about it.

  My wonderful friends have decided to take me wig shopping .. who knows what I'll come back with!!!

  Off to work now!

  Cheers. Susan :)

  This post was edited by SusanS at April 4, 2012 8:27:11 AM WATime"

  51YO married. DX: MARCH 2012,45mm HER2+ grade 3 IDC. Completed 1x TAC & 3x AC 18/6/2012. Upper RB Quadrantectomy 20/7/2012. Full axillary clearance (2/7 nodes) 10/8/2012. RB mastectomy 7/9/2012. Completed 10x Paclitaxel plus Herceptin 12/12/2012. 25x Rads finished 12/2/13. Herceptin finished 8/10/13  Prophylactic LB mastectomy shecduled for 18/11/13  

• louise1952

  

  • 8 posts
  April 4, 2012 5:41:22 PM WATime

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  HI Susan
  I can relate so well to your traumatic thoughts of losing your hair, having lost mine last August two wks after the first chemo! First on the pillow and then handfulls in the shower...for anyone who doesn't like hair in the plug hole, look out!!lol..Thank god for wigs and it's a fun outing as well..My hair is now an inch all over and I'm loving being able to "comb" it at least! Worst for me is that it's come back grey, not my lovely dk brown. ah well, the least of our troubles hey!! Be thinking of you. Big Hugs Louise

  DXJUN11, LOBC grade2 2 tumours 16 of 20 lymph infect. LB mastec, chemo FEC & Taxotere, 25 Radiation t'ments

• helena

  

  • 10 posts
  April 4, 2012 7:36:30 PM WATime

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  Hi Susan,
  Keep up with the writing- a humorous perspective can be very useful. I loved reading the literature that talked about the journey- sounded like you were off to 'biggest loser'. Think of chemo as a powerful army determined to triumph but who will inflict a little collateral damage along the way (like hair). Read the forum stuff on chemo, there is lots of wisdom there regarding food tips and managing other side effects.
  Keep your partner and friends close, be prepared to be a different version of yourself for a while. By all means be brave- it helps you feel more in control and positive but be prepared to be sad when you are.
  Helen

  49yo mother, DX Dec 2010, invasive lobular cancer, stage 2, grade II, lumpectomy, nodes clear, chemo, bilateral MX and expanders May 2011, silicone implants June 2011,Tamoxifen.